Feelings

Well, someone I hold dear in my heart wanted to die the other day. He called his friend over because he was feeling suicidal and didn't want to be alone. His friend let him take a shower. That was the first mistake he made. I'll start at the beginning. He was told around 4 and told I wouldn't be able to talk for a while. Apparently at some point he got really worried about me. I came home to texts that first made me smile and then horrified me. There was a ten page rant on how much he loved me. I couldn't help but smile. Then the nexts texts that I read made my world spin. "___ just came out of the shower. His hands are covered in blood. I asked him where the blood came from but he didn't say anything." That text was sent hours before I got the phone around 9:30. I was frantic and I texted back "please tell me he's okay" and got a "He's crying on his bed right now" He'd cut his wrist. 13 times. I was devistated. He was hurt because he was worried about me. What was I supposed to do? He's hundreds of miles away and I am here, helpless. Honestly there IS nothing I can do. No matter how much I wish there was. He's doing a little better now, but hardly. Those scars will last a long while, but will eventually start to fade. But the emotional scars it left will be with him forever. Every time he looks at his arm now, he breaks down. I've got his good friends keeping a watchful eye on him now. He never leaves their sight. And all sharp objects have been completely removed from his reach. He is very close to my heart and I don't like seeing him like this. His pain is hurting me. He needs to not worry on me and focus move on himself. Or one day,he may not make it out of the shower. It may all end there. And that would kill me inside. Because it would be a while until I could follow him into the darkness. Please. If you're reading this, you mean a lot to me and I don't know what I'd do if you were to leave.Be safe.For not only yourself. But for me and all those who love you.

-Kaiderine Synns

Copyright© Danielle Collins October 14, 2009